My Island

Sometimes it seems as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That the hits just keep on coming! Do you ever feel like you are standing on an island, all alone without Wilson or anyone and there is nothing for a million miles? The sun is shining and the waves are crashing but there you are, all alone.

The strange thing is I have a big family. I am one of six kids. I have a mother and a father both living. I have a grandmother who is still living. I have lots of family I guess is what I am trying to establish and yet there are days when I am almost certain that I am alone. Well, I always have God. Thank you God for always being there for me. Thank you for making the sun shine on my island because you know I hate rain.

I am really struggling with several things in my life right now. I try not to let it show but tonight I can just feel the solitude.

My sisters would read this and go into a litany of bullshit that would only serve to prove my point. I cannot remember the last time any of my sisters called me, except Mary. God Bless Mary. She chats with me on Facebook. She has a child's soul. My stress would collapse her in a single breath however so it is best to just keep the conversation to what she ate and how her cute babies are doing.

My mother has no idea I am having surgery and has no idea that she has forgotten two of my kids birthdays so far with a third forgotten child just around the corner. She doesn't know that one of my kids has moved from his Dad's house to my house. No one in my whole family knows that my kids are all taller than me now. Or that my daughter Mallory is suffering from hormonal sadness. Or that last week I got my hair colored and the lady turned it orange.

I guess one could say Laura, why don't you call them and tell them. They would listen. I know they would do that. Then they would go right back to their interconnected world that does not include me until I called again. I think I will just do like I always do, brush myself off, deal with the problems and be proud of the fact that I am able to take care of everything because it appears that my family is not around. They never have been. I will be 41 next week and I have done more by myself than any one woman should. Maybe I should thank them for ignoring my existence because I have become one incredibly strong woman. Thank you family!!!

I am not really as gloom and doom as I sound, this is a reality that surfaces whenever there is a tremendous amount of stress in my life and I wish that I had some backup. I look around and see no one. It just makes me wish I knew who my real parents were and why they put me up for adoption. :o) If you are missing a girl who is almost 41 and want to know where I am-HERE I AM!!!!

bye for now!